Last night I was so sure how to write this post. I could picture it all in my head. I saw the headings, the different structures… But now that I’m actually sitting down to write it I’m feeling paralysed again. Where do I start? What if it sounds stupid or sounds like I’m trying to suck up to avoid responsibility for my actions?
But no. No, I can’t let this feeling have power. I need to start my post or else this cycle might just continue until I never actually do it.
This is a topic that I need to talk about for no other reason than its good for me. If I hide away what it’s sometimes like inside my head any longer then the problem is likely to just keep occurring. Here are all of my cards, on the table.
When I have too many things to do, remember and stress about, it is like I become paralysed. There are just too many choices to make and I can’t make them.
One of the lesser-known deities today of the Roman pantheon was Janus. He was the god of endings and beginnings, of transition and change, of doorways and arches. I suppose a simpler way to put this would be to say he was the god of duality. To this end, he is depicted as having two faces – one on either side of his head. He looks forward and back at the same time.
He is also generally agreed to be the deity that the month January is named for. January, as the first month of the Gregorian calendar, is both an ending and a beginning, it is the month of transition and change, and it looks both forward and back.