NaNoWriMo 2014 diary: Part 1 of 2
Before NaNoWriMo started I decided to keep a diary for the month. Usually diaries or journalling aren’t my kind of thing but I thought it might be interesting to document my slow failure and descent into (even more) self-loathing. Like many other writers I have a melancholy personality which leads to great swings between burning passion and depressive moments.
So, I’m just going to leave this here. I didn’t rewrite it into nice sentences; I have other nice sentences to go write.
30 October 2014
Still not sure if I should do this. I have no plot, no characters, no name and, most importantly, no inspiration. I don’t WANT to write.
Am I quitting because of last year’s failure or because I don’t want this anymore? NaNoWriMo doesn’t even make sense. Why should I keep trying at something that’s obviously not working?
So sssssick. Sssssso much still to do…
“No plot, no problem”? More like, I have nothing and looking at the blank page isn’t helping. Day 1 and I’m already far behind.
Using plot generators. It helps a bit with ideas, but is doing nothing for my will to write, which is about minus 10 at the moment.
*looks at the winners’ prizes for the first time this year* Oh my. Oh my. I have to beat this thing. There’re a couple of those things that I want a shot at so bad.
Perhaps this will help? The actual promise of a very enticing reward might just get me writing…
I have about seven characters and no idea what to do with any of them. I don’t even know how most of them link together, or who the main character is. All I know is that they all live in the same city. Word count still behind.
I think my muse finally arrived. She must have been too stubborn to stop and ask directions because, seriously, what kind of time do you call this, missy? Think I can see how to link these characters together and maybe where to take them from there. Figured out what the major conspiracy will be. Killed a few people off. That usually helps to get a story going.
Nevermind, ignore what I said yesterday. Anxious for illogical reasons, have not written a word.
Still fighting. Word count still several thousand words behind. Still not sure exactly where I’m going with the plot, but at least I know why my characters are doing what they are doing now. Bit worried that I’ve never written a revenge plot before.
Also fighting the urge to go to bed instead.
Why can I only seem to write every second day? My writing discipline and motivation is about zero.
Trying to write my butt off this weekend to catch up but people and things keep interrupting me. That I’m also interrupting myself isn’t helping.
Every word of this story is fighting me on the way out. That sounded more gross than I intended.
But I finally wrote a chapter I’m happy with.
I found my novel title track – “Centuries” by Fall Out Boy. It fits perfectly, both the music and the lyrics. Had a good writing session. I could do with more of these.
Time to break out Write or Die for the first time this year. It’s not that the crisis is now suddenly bigger than before (about to hit the halfway mark when I should be almost to the two-thirds mark). It’s just that I’m exhausted and need to finish earlier so that I can get some sleep.
*22 minutes later* Yep. Still got it. 1000 words in under half an hour. That’s my old pace from previous years back.
Also, the laptop keeps lagging. Have already threatened it with death several times.
For the first time I feel like I AM DOING THIS, rather than like someone who is trying to run with the big kids and failing.
Write or Die really does work miracles. Every year I am reminded of this again.
Look, I’m sorry for what I said! Please just unjinx me and let me write again. I didn’t mean to be happy and confident yesterday, I’m so sorry!
Today will be the deciding challenge. If I don’t get a good chunk written today it will be too late to catch up in time. I will fail altogether if I fail today.
UPDATE: 4471 words. I was aiming for 5000 words just for the prestige of it, but this is also good enough. I am still in this, though I don’t want to say too much and jinx it again.
Still fighting. Everything could still go wrong for me within one day because my daily required words are still at the absolute maximum I can comfortably write in a day: 2200 words. One slip now and it’s over.
Once November is over we’ll see where Part 2 takes us: humiliating failure or triumph against every single possible odd?